Running Towards Balance

I find it funny that the “mission statement” to my blog was called “running towards balance”.

The reason I think that it is funny because on my quest to become balanced, I became totally unbalanced.  It seems for the past two years I have been on a downward spiral towards unbalance-ness.  If I look back on the last two years I see the stress level in my life increased quite a bit.

I remember back to after my third child was born feeling the same slump.  My husband was always really good at being supportive with the kids and each one of my pregnancies and births, but when my third child was born, he was starting up his new business.  I was trying to keep running our hobby business, while still trying to be a stay at home mom, and run child care out of our home.  After our third child was born, Greg wasn’t as available to help with at home stuff as much as I needed him to be and our hobby business became harder and harder to run with its own stresses.  There was just so much stress during this time of our life and it remained that way for two years.

Finally, an opportunity to move out here came along, and we just decided we couldn’t pass it up.  I prayed for a friend I could connect with.  A house I could grow old in and make loving memories in, and a city that fed my creative hunger.  We found our perfect home driving aimlessly around for two days…. we found the best friends we could ever ask for and were led to the best school for our kids that I could ever imagine.  I don’t think I could take any credit for how great my kids are turning out if it wasn’t for our elementary school.   So we packed everyone up and moved out here.  I had such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders as I drove out of that town that I called home for 33 years.  That was just the thing I needed to get me out of my funk.

But now slowly over the past couple years I have been fading back into that funk.  The stress in our lives has been building the last two years and I think I also created undo stress on my body from extreme exercise.  When my Grandpa got sick with cancer I was in a constant state of fear.  Every time my telephone rang, my heart would sink and my stomach would turn for fear that it was bad news.  To this day when our home phone rings I still have that moment of ….. oh no is there bad news on the other end.  Also during this time I put huge stress on my body training for my half marathon.  During that time I actually thought the marathon training was a great way for stress release but it really was a ticking time bomb.  From there the stress continued with business problems which also created stress in the marriage.  It got to the point that even small stresses felt huge and catastrophic.  I began gaining weight back, that also created a huge amount of stress.  I also began feeling extremely tired, and run down.  I didn’t even realize how stressed I had become until recently.

This time running away and moving to a new city isn’t an option, we love it too much here.  Luckily I found a wonderful Naturpath Doctor who is trying to help me get everything back in balance.  I have been giving my body a break, and not even worrying much if the house is clean or the laundry is done.  This month I feel a teeny tiny little bit better, even Greg says his notices a bit of a difference.  I still think I have a way to go to get back into “balance”  but I find it interesting that while trying to create balance, I achieved the opposite…. hmmm.. I wonder what I have to learn from that?

I think its normal, life has its ups and downs, but they are much easier to deal with when your body and hormones are in balance.  So anyway, I am still running towards balance… just at smaller slower strides.

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