I would like to know when that internal voice starts saying nice things. When will that internal voice says you can run today, you can run anytime you want, you can run faster then you have ever run, you can run further then you have ever run. You can train for a marathon, you do have enough time, your body is strong enough, when does that switch happen? For me everyday, I still struggle with that internal voice. Still every day, minutes before I step out the door to go on my run, I question if it is too rainy, too windy, too sunny, too hot, to hard to push the stroller, too tired, too busy, too much time spent away from my family, I should clean house instead, do laundry instead, go later, go earlier, go longer tomorrow.
Why, for something I love so much, something that makes me feel so good, why do I still have so many reason I think I still can’t do it?
I don’t know? I don’t know why I must have that dialogue with myself EVERY day.
So on to other news. My puppy 9 month old Chocolate Lab Pepsi. My running partner. Is going through his adolescent stage. Don’t get me wrong, for a lab, and for what I’ve heard other go through with Labs he is pretty good. As long as he gets his exercise he hasn’t been too destructive. But lately on walks he has been a big doofus! From the day we brought him home we have been following Caesars Way, trying to be the pack leader. But I tell you not sure what I am doing wrong. We have never tried to excite him or get him over excited about a walk or run. Anytime we go for a walk or run we would not say anything to him like, wanta go for a walk. I would just say nothing, get the leash make him sit, leave the house before him try to remain calm and relaxed. But now he knows when I go upstairs to get my running clothes on that, it is time for a run, and he goes loco. I’m sure it’s just a stage and he is testing the rules, but man he is getting strong, and it is making my runs more challenging because I have to teach him at the same time I want to get my run in at the pace I set out to go.
I’m starting to get a little worried about my half marathon training, with being sick and away, I’ve missed a few runs. I’m worried I won’t be ready. I’ve been questioning why I signed up for races? I’ve been questioning why I don’t just run for the love of running. As you can see I am full of self-doubt today. Tomorrow is another day. Speaking of tomorrow I am going skiing with the Grade 7′s. I hope I don’t fall and break my butt….. wish me luck!